Soul Submissive

For most of my life, I assumed dominance walked hand in hand with fear. I realize now that this type of dominance, while it does exist, is not what I was seeking, nor am I interested in exploring this lifestyle any longer. What I want is a man who is truly stronger, and doesn't need to keep reminding me of if. S is that man; strong as an oak, quiet as the wind, as certain as the sky. He doesn't need to prove it to me, to others, or to himself, because he knows.

When S moved into his own apartment, I came to help for a few days, and get him all set up. 7 weeks later, I've yet to leave for any extended period of time. Even when he went on a trip, I remained at the apartment, simply because it was easier with all of my toiletries and clothes I needed already here.

Tentatively, one day recently I asked, "Where do you see me as living?"

"Here, with me," S replied dryly.

"Are you good with that?" I worried.

"I have no feeling about that. It's just fine. It's good. Didn't you know you live with me?" he asked, sweetly.

Apparently, I did not. I didn't know we had made that transition. It was so subtle, so natural, so easy, I never noticed. I had been afraid to ask, afraid to wonder, afraid to approach. It didn't need to be analyzed, discusses, hashed-out, and weighed. It was just natural.

For my entire adult life, I've been afraid of men. Drawn to strong men, like my father, but angry, violent men came in and out of my life, beating on me along the way. The fear I had been instilled with plagued my vision of who I was, who I wanted and how I saw the entire world.

With S, I don't need to walk on eggshells. I can say anything, ask anything, be anything. No harm will come. I'm trying to let that sink in, and see the world in a new way.

Strength does not equal Violence. Power does not equal Fear.

Imagine that.

S has been on a 3-day motorcycle camping trip with his friend. I had little notice that he was going and while gone, his phone was off for two days. I'm waiting in his apartment rather impatiently to see him.

I long to wrap my arms around him, hold him, kiss his sweet face, feel his body against mine, and look into his soulful eyes. Having ridden hundreds of miles over the last three days, I'm certain he will be exhausted. I will make him a meal if he is hungry; anything he likes. While he was gone, I cleaned the apartment, washed his sheets and towels, did all of his laundry, did our office work for him, and didn't bother him.

A couple of hours ago I fixed my hair, sprayed on perfume, touched up my makeup and put on a pretty dress. For him, I want to look my best.

Impatiently, I await the sound of the engine pulling into the garage. . .

While S was suckling my breast, I realized we had crossed over into new territory, once again. His right hand cradled my right breast, his left hand was buried in my pussy, and he sucked with great enthusiasm.

"Are you my Sweet Boy? Do you love me? Yes, you are such a good boy! Do you want to make me cum?"

He greedily sucked even harder, rubbed my clit harder, and whimpered in agreement. I threw him on his back, began riding his cock, and he cried out his delight. Words poured from his typically reticent lips, words of comfort, security and devotion. I encouraged this behavior, and rewarded him with my orgasms, and kisses to his sweet, sweet face.

Afterwards I cuddled him against my bosom, loving and nurturing him, holding him tight until he was ready to break away and move into his regular role as my equal again. No words were spoken about the encounter, but I felt our love had moved to an even deeper level. Throughout the following days, S allowed me to take on an even greater nurturing role in his life.

As a mother of a grown child, this was a natural position for me. I never breast fed my daughter, but I have heard it said that when a mother breast feeds there are certain hormones released in the brain that help create a bond between mother and child. Perhaps this is the incredibly deep bond I feel with S now. Regardless of what the definition is, I feel very protective and loving in regards to S, and I would do anything, anything to care for him.

He is indeed my Sweet Boy.