Soul Submissive

I am thrilled to titillation that it is Tuesday night. Why? Because starting last week, I decided that S will remain submissive from midnight Tuesday until midnight Wednesday. Everything he does will be decided by me. He will remain nude, unless I see the need for him to be clothed. He will only eat what I give him. He will go to the gym, make my meals or buy them, bring me tea, brush my hair, wash me, and massage me.

He is as thrilled as I am.

Until now, being submissive has been a back and forth struggle for him. Demanding submission has been nearly impossible. He becomes resentful and petulant, even downright defiant. This has driven a deep wedge in our relationship and closeness. I have felt him drifting away and had no idea how to make him feel safe again. I was heartbroken that I had failed as a Domme.

We've been in therapy. Mostly alone, but from time to time, jointly. We schedule two hours with our therapist and take turns. If we have something to discuss together, we go in together. Our therapist gives us good suggestions on helping one another, but primarily teaches us to be independent in our personal growth. It's been amazing and quite fruitful.

I've learned that the harder I push, the farther he runs. So now I'm committed to making my bosom a safe place. No nagging, no anger, no shame. My arms are his home, and when he is in my embrace he is surrounded with love.

Wednesdays are about love. Servitude is his expression of gratitude. He wants to give to me because he feels that I've done so much for him. This is his way of showing respect, gratitude and love.

I am a very, very lucky woman.

"For men there's alot of pressure. We are expected to lead, to have answers, to solve problems. I don't think many women realize the amount of pressure men are under."

S had enjoyed a couple of beers and when we returned home, he lie down on the sofa nude. He was rubbing his tummy, looking up, just sharing his thoughts uninhibited.

"Being a man, we are expected to take charge of situations. As the head of the household, we are expected to have solutions. Sometimes things go wrong. Hell, things always go wrong. And when things go wrong, I'm the one who hears the complaints; I'm the one that has to deal with the disappointment. I feel bad when I've disappointed everyone. It makes me feel worthless; I feel like I didn't measure up as a man."

I could hear the sadness in his voice, remembering days of his past.

"There's no relief. When you're the head of the household, the man in charge, where can you go to hide? I can take off for a day or so, have a few beers now and then, but that pressure is just waiting there for me when I return. And how much relief can I feel just knowing it's waiting there for me when I return? There's no relief."

His voice had reached a stressed pitch. I finished changing into my lounging clothes and emerged from the closet, through the bathroom and into the living room. I knew he needed to see me at that moment.

"That's what I love, well one of the things I love, about being submissive. I hand myself over and that pressure that I've lived with my entire adult life is gone. The heaviness is off of my shoulders and I'm only expected to serve. If you need something or want something from me, you'll tell me, and I can do it, right away. But that pressure of coming up with answers I don't have is gone. I love being submissive with you."

I smiled and told him I loved him. He smiled back. This was a precious moment as a Domme and I knew it. It's not every day that a man can open up and intimately share feelings that run so deep. I was so proud of my Sweet Boy.

"I feel used. I don't want to be a bank. I want to be his son."

S has been trying to rebuild his relationship with his estranged father, at my encouragement, only to be set back to square one. After a couple of wonderful visits with his father at step-mother at their home in Washington, we left for our long awaited Hawaii vacation. Just before we left, S received an painful email from his father a few days after our most recent return. His father wants to borrow money; lots of money.

Here in this tropical paradise, S was anything but serene.S has been burned before loaning money to family members, albeit not his father. But this shook him to the core and I realized immediately this had nothing to do with money.

It had everything to do with his value in this relationship with his Dad.

"I don't think they reached out only to borrow, but I can't help but wonder if they reached out to my step-brother too. If they didn't, that means that they wouldn't want to jeopardize their relationship with him because they love him so much. But with me, it doesn't matter."

I wanted to reason with him, wanted to help him see it a different way, but heard a voice in my head that told me to stop. What he needed was love; unconditional, unending love. He needed his Mistress to pour over him, engulf him in warmth and comfort, and to hold him through the pain.

We went back to our hotel room and I held him close. After a back massage with scented massage oil I had just purchased, I positioned him to suckle, kissed his head and stroked his body. He slid into this comfortable snuggle, and allowed himself to be loved. He took all I had to give, not greedily, but thankfully. I made love to him, climbing on top of him and riding him enthusiastically. We fell asleep calm and satisfied.

When we awoke, I caressed and cuddled him more. We spent the day hiking and then drinking beer, two of his favorite things. I made the day about him, all about him.

I wish I had the answers to his dilemma, but I just don't. These are answers he must find in his own heart. But I can love him through it, and remind him I'm always on his side, encouraging him, supporting him, and beaming with pride that he's my guy.