Soul Submissive

When I saw the red welt began to rise from his right ass cheek, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew then that this had taken a wrong turn somewhere.

I had S purchase the crop for me earlier that evening. We had then gone out with friends, and while out, S had done something to irritate me. I told him it was time to go home, and as soon as I had him home, we discussed what had happened. We resolved our issue, but apparently, I was still harboring some aggression. When we started our sexual encounter, the tone was sensitive and loving. Before long, I felt my aggression beginning to rise. I had him bent over, taking my strap-on cock in his ass (which he enjoys), and I reached for the crop.

SMACK!

"Don't you know that I'm in charge?"

He whimpered agreement.

SMACK!

"I don't want you to argue with me anymore. Understand?"

". . . yes, Mommy. . . " he whimpered.

The welt began to rise, as did the vomit in my stomach. I had promised to never hurt him. This is not who I am. This is not what I wanted. I let the power go to my head.

I has since spoken to S about this. He had obliged my indulgence obediently. He is nothing if not obedient. Filled with shame, I told him how awful I felt, and that I would never use the crop again. He didn't say a word.

My goal is to dominate with strength, to train with love, to influence with kindness, to meet his emotional needs of comfort, security, and belonging. Fear doesn't fit in there; nor does pain.

It won't happen again.