Soul Submissive

I see my Sweetheart struggling. I see him wavering between the two sides he sees in himself; the strong man and the weak boy.

Spiritually, mentally and physically S is very, very strong. He is sure of what he believes about life, people and the universe. Mentally he is amazing; the smartest person I've ever met. He's brilliant, creative, and an intuitive problem solver. He makes the impossible look simple and easy. Physically he works his body to it's limits regularly at the gym. He eats right, indulges a little, and works hard for it.

Emotionally he has been stifled since childhood. The minute his mother slapped him in the face at age 3 and locked him in the closet until he "behaved", he stopped growing. He simply "acted" to survive, so his sole caretaker would not abandon him. He lived knowing that if weren't a "good boy", she would walk out on him and he would be alone.

In his marriage he reenacted this scene day after day, for over 23 years. His wife was abusive, insulting and demanding. Needy and sickly, she believed the entire world revolved around her and S's sole purpose in life was to care for her. He bought into this system believing he was worthy of nothing better. He feared she would abandon him if he didn't meet her needs, perhaps through death due to her many illnesses. He would be alone and it would be because he wasn't a "good" husband. Now not only was his well being in jeopardy, but another person's life hung in the balance.

Stepping out of this role into a relationship with me broke many of those notions, but not for long. He still struggles with what he believes he deserves in life, abandonment, punishment, pain, and weakness.

It is my mission to clear away the negative self image and help him grow into the amazing man I already see him as being. I will dispel the countless untruths, one at a time.

I have the inner strength to build this man up. But first, I have to break the spell of unworthiness.