Soul Submissive

If you are reading this right now, regardless of who you are, if you are not my Dom, I don't trust you. S is the only living, breathing person I trust. Not because he is my Dom and has trained me to trust only him. Quite the contrary! Before him, I trusted no one. He is my Dom because he made it into my heart, and earned my trust. Only he can dominate me because only he has earned my trust, and only he can master me. If a person cannot be trusted, then they cannot know me, really know me. To know the true me, the person I hide deep inside, is a privilege no one has ever had before.

When I say S knows me, well the truth is, he knows only what I've shared. Certainly he hasn't heard all of my stories, nor my whole life story. He doesn't need to, nor is that even realistic. What he knows is how my mind works, what is in my heart, my joys, my fears, my hopes, my beliefs. He knows my desires and my needs, oft times better than I know myself. He knows this because I have opened up and shared with him with complete abandon, showing him all of me, naked from the inside out.

In my lifetime I have been raped twice, beaten by numerous men, defiled in a drunken state from time to time, and been lied to countless times. I've been robbed, held at gun point, and abandoned. I've been manipulated, coerced, and tricked. Why the fuck would I trust anyone? And why would I trust a man? I would rather eat you alive, rip out your heart and watch you lie upon the ground, gasping for your last breath, with fear in your eyes. Trust a man? And why would I even want to trust? Why?

All of those questions I can't really answer, but this one thing I hold true. I know I need to trust, and I need to be dominated. I needed to find a real man to meet these needs, and now I have. S is worthy of my trust, worthy of my praise, worthy of my devotion. I have found with him a peace I had never known. Perhaps one day I will understand "why" better, but for now I am content with just knowing I do.

Trust used to be a four-letter word for me. Now, it has saved my soul.