Soul Submissive

I come from a long line of dominant, hard-headed bitches. My Great Grandmother ruled the roost with an iron fist, sending my Great Grandfather running with just the howl of his name. My Grandmother and Mother have both preyed on weaker men, except for one of their 4 husbands each. I believe they both are attracted to stronger men, but their dominant side made staying married to a dominant male impossible. Both settled on very weak men for long term partners. My sister and niece married absolute wimps, and my sister abuses her husband on a regular basis. Even my one and only child, my daughter, has hooked up with a long term boyfriend who has zero backbone. 


To be submissive in a family where female submission is deeply frowned upon has caused great dismay in my family. When I serve my partner food, the other women attack me in the kitchen, trying to pry the plate out of my hand and tell me not to do it. When my sister's husband asked to be served like my husband, my sister slapped him, right there in front of God and everyone. Then she slapped me. I gladly handed the plate to my husband, and smiled. In my family setting, one must actually be defiant to be submissive. 


My dom, who loves to email me, recently wrote this in an email:


You're submissive and dominant at the same time.  It seems you want to be
submissive, need to be submissive, enough so that you demand it.  Perhaps
you're consuming weaker men until you find one that you can't dominate
yourself.


I am sure this comes as a contradiction for some, but this is entirely true. I believe the only way to determine if a man is "truly dominant" is to push him to his limits, and see who wins. 


S is so powerful, in mind, body and spirit, that he never wavers. No matter what I impress upon him, if this is different than his desire, I relent. Period. He is kind enough to listen, until he has heard enough. He then informs me that we are done discussing, and I willingly conceded. This is me pushing, and him dominating. 


I have never understood how a man could feel good about dominating a weak woman. That's like going to the fair and riding the carousel, and leaving. Why not try something with a bit of a challenge? Perhaps those men know their limitations. I certainly know their limitations. I also know that S is steadfast, and no matter what I do, he holds the power.


This unwavering dominance wets my panties at the sight of him. I see him from across a parking lot, and if he has a smile of pleasure on his face, my panties become soaked! If he is frowning, my heart drops, and I rush to him to see if I've displeased him, and how I can fix it. My greatest desire is to please him. My greatest reward is being pleasured by him.